“I just want to help him get organized.” “She needs to get her grades up.” “She’s so anxious, I have to sit with her when she does her homework.” “He doesn’t have any clue what he’s doing at school!” “He wants me at every game!”“She needs me to keep track of all of her scoring stats!”

Does this sound familiar to you? Do you hover over your child during homework time? Are you there at the soccer field keeping track of every move they make?Do you listen to your child’s phone conversations? Are you planning their activities in high school to get into the best colleges and they’re still in middle school!
Yes, you’re a helicopter parent. Is that a bad thing? Yes and no. No, because it is necessary to keep track of your child and be interested in all aspects of their lives. Yes, because what is the message you are giving to your child? Think long and hard about that question.A child needs to feel confident and capable without the help of their parent. It’s part of the developmental path. The message of a helicopter parent is multilayered and somewhat complicated. 

  1. You need me, don’t leave me behind as you grow up.
  2. I need control.
  3. I live through your life.
  4. I’m getting a “do-over” through my child.
  5. My child needs to be the best.

What a child feels:

  1. Children and teens begin resenting the helicopter parent.
  2. Your child feels incapable of handling their age appropriate business.
  3. My parent doesn’t believe in me.
  4. I’m dumb.
  5. I can’t do it alone.

Parents, back off! Not all at once, but measure your actions! Ask yourself how your child will feel if you are hovering. Ask yourself what your actions and motivations are. Be honest with yourself and your child.